Brown Baggin' It

So I have completed the research study today. It was pretty hellacious . I sat down and had to talk with complete strangers about my bowel movements, but in these settings I thrive. When do you really get to talk to people about your feces. Never is probably your answer, that's why I enjoyed it. I think they did too.

I sat down and after some technical issues with the pill we were ready to start. There were three attractive young ladies and Jeff a radiologist that grew up in New York and is a Yankees fan. How unfortunate. I told him after being chummy with him for four or five hours, that if we were at a bar and had had a couple drinks I would probably wind up wrestling him at some point. He laughed and I did too. I asked him when did he think Randy Johnson was going to grow back the mullet.

We started off at 9am with me swallowing a large plastic pill. Then I ate the two slices of wheat bread with jelly, and some Eggbeaters in a cup. I ate the bread and then the eggs and was told that the eggs had the isotopes, not the jelly. Okay, that was different then what I heard before. I was told the jelly had the isotopes but who's counting now anyways. I was in now whether I liked it or not. The egg was disgusting, especially since if I am eating egg I like salsa or something on it. I had 1/4 cup of water and we were off. I had a monitor attached around my chest that gauged pressure, and acidic levels in my G.I. Jeff had to check the progression of the isotopes (which hopefully had the pill in it) with a machine that picked up the visual of it. We did this every 25 minutes up until 1:30pm. I was also told that I couldn't go to the bathroom until 1:30pm. I at least got to play Madden 2005 on a laptop they had until that time. Then when we finished at 1:30pm I said goodbye to Jeff and told him I hoped A-Rod didn't catch gonorrhea of the mouth at some point during the season.

I headed over to a different office with the three young ladies and for the rest of the day I had to let them know when I had to go number 2. This might have been the strangest part of the day, because whenever I told them I had to go they would smile and say, "What's the readout on your monitor?" So I would lift up my shirt and they would jot down the levels and time and then say, "Okay, you can go to the bathroom. Good luck." I would walk out and I would be smiling and say, "Thank you.", and they would smile back.

At 5pm they said I was all finished and they gave me gloves and zip-lock baggies and said, "Your going to want to poop in the bag, seal it and then smoosh it to see if you can find the pill."
"Okay, thanks a lot and I'll see you tomorrow with the pill from my stool." Just kidding, I said I'd see them tomorrow and thank you. These girls were like right out of college though, and two of them admitted this was there first research study they've worked on. There was just weird vibes abound in the room, but it was fun. Now hopefully I can find this pill tonight or it's the exacto knife for me.