The Naked Truth

Travis Bickle - "Pow...pow....pow." My sentiments exactly.


The days continue to go on. Each one predicated by things I need, and by others needs. Not knowing exactly what the reason for anything is. Just continuing with the motions, staying on a course to God only knows where. When everything is so messed up, and wrong. Yet, we stay on the path because it's what we know. Change brings uncertainty, so we do it as slowly as possible and hope for the best. Meanwhile, my small life, while important and special, is ultimately controlled by a national society machine that has overgrown itself into statistical categories.

"A" and I got to sit down and watch Taxi Driver this weekend, which unbelievably, she had never seen. It's so funny how you watch the movie, and you can make correlations to things you encounter in your own life. People and ideas gone wrong, and sexuality saturating everything you see and touch. Text, media, relationships drip with innuendo and the animalistic need for intimacy and control. Meanwhile, our children go along for the ride. They are having sex younger and younger as time goes on. Fragile young girls that are finding out too quickly that their bodies are objects of desire. They do things they regret in the hope of finding love and acceptance because they never got it from their parents.

Everything is wrong, and nothing is really right. Religion is absurd because fallible humans follow it. Our way of life is run through greed and sex. It's like a scum you can't wash off. I've embraced the sexual aspect of life, and sometimes it feels more like a disease. The constant urge to pound the opposite sex like a piece of meat. Does it make me happy to do these things, absolutely yes. But I feel for women, because they give their bodies in the purest form of love. While the majority of the time, men are just appeasing an urge to spread more of our race across the planet, to the point where there is not much room left. What the eff is wrong with us.

You're just like all the rest of them, cold and distant. I routinely smile at people I don't know when I walk to work, because I get a kick out of their responses. In return, I usually get a stone face staring straight ahead. Or a look away, almost seeming scared to make actual eye contact. What the hell is wrong with people, what are you scared of? What is so wrong that you can't show me that you are happy too? Before the end of the day comes, I wind up finding myself doing the same stone face thing to everyone else, and it hurts when I actually catch someone smiling at me out of the corner of my eye. Then I feel like I'm just a part of the scum that I can't wash off myself. Just like your anus, it's never fully clean.

I just keep breathing, and working, and fucking, and eating, and shitting, and scrubbing, and comeing, again, and again, and again. I find myself staring at the wall while I'm in the bathtub. Just staring at the water droplets running down the plastic fabricated shell. Wondering where it's all going, not knowing if it's all for the right thing. Where the hell does Jesus and God fit in to all of this. Are we all just a big mess of animals with potential for something great, yet we are straying from the path?

None of us have control, not even the happy little families that have it all figured out mentally. Behind the scenes they're just lost little kids like their children, habitual creatures with more experience. With a majority of people having children, that shouldn't have a right to have any at all. Just crap, making more crap with no one really caring about what's happening with anyone.

There has to be something more, yet it's as unexplainable as it is attainable. I don't know what the answer is because there is no real question yet. I'll just keep explaining it as best as I can for absolutely no reason. We're all sinners in God's eyes, with the pleasures of the flesh as the main course of our existence. What does it all mean, are we just a complex plague? Funny how sorrow is needed to appreciate joy.