The Fiance Asked Me to Stop...ah.....

"A" says that my constant masturbating is making her feel less special.


First I'll start with apologizing for the openness of my blog. I can understand if you find it unnecessary and immature. I have tried to keep this as anonymous as possible, but I think people I know at work are scheming and looking into temporary internet files to find my site, and this project has taken on a new level of paranoia. It's my own fault because I like to listen to the music on my site while I am at work, and my co-workers are like, "Cool, how are you listening to that song?"

Beo's reaction, "Oh nothing,......what........nothing,......what do you need?"

But I really wanted to be raw on this and just let all my humanity hang out because I find it therapeutic, and to be truthful I talk about the same stuff to my friends in front of my fiance "A". So I am not a big jerk, I am just painfully truthful because I think that honesty is best no matter what the circumstance. It is a blessing and a curse. Those who know me appreciate it though, I think. Anyways, back to the painfully personal story.

I masturbate probably on average, twice a day. No matter what, flu, pneumonia, ebola. I have always been like this since the incomprehensible age of four when I used to term it, "Pushing the bed." You can stop reading now if you'd like to, I would totally understand.

I made my fiance "A" well aware of my over-sexuality on our second date, just because the topic arose somehow. She seemed girlishly excited about it and said it was okay. Then we moved in together after a few months of dating. One of the first night I had gotten back from the gym and "A" was watching a favorite show of hers, so I sat down in front of the computer after a shower and began doing what men enjoying doing.

Then "A" flew in with a question to ask me, and looked as if she had just found Hitler's body. I stared back at her while I continued to do what, well......whatever because I am totally comfortable with my body in front of anyone. I guess I'm just lucky in that respect. I like my body and I am a guy who likes to feel sexy. I don't think that makes me gay at all. The human body is a beautiful thing, and I think anyone who doesn't enjoy their body, has to at some time in their life. I'm loosing my point though.

"A" runs away back to her television show and I greet her some time later and ask if she is okay.

"A" - "I've just never had anyone just do that like that in front of me."
Beo - "Are you okay with it. It makes me happy, and I promise not to be mad if I catch you."
"A" - "No, it's fine. I'm just used to ex-boyfriends hiding it from me."
Beo - ""A", I don't hide anything. I can honestly promise you that. Okay?"
"A" - "Alright, I can get used to it I think."
Beo - "You can always stop me if you'd like. I'd much rather be with you."
"A" - "I just like it more special and romantic."
Beo - "Babes, I do too! I like it every way." - I'm a romantic aren't I. :(

So whatever, I don't think we made any headway with that conversation about 2 years ago and "A" and I have encounters like married people now. Once a week, or maybe twice and it seems to always have to be set up right, and special. Whereas, I like spontaneity.

So we have discussed this a lot and are working on it and then "A" hit me with this one.

"A" - "Your constant masturbating is making me feel unneeded."
Beo - "Well, what do you want me to do? You want me to stop?"
"A" - "Yeah, maybe for a little while?"
Beo - "Fine, but it seems unfair that I have to stop doing something I've been doing all my life."
"A" - "I'm sorry."

Yikes, right? So I haven't masturbated in 4 days and just the keyboard swivel arm under my desk at work excites me. This is so hard, and I am so "H" for "A" and unfortunately every other female creature on the planet. I wish I could extract the testosterone from my blood or something.

So, I figured that things would be changing but the last few nights I have encountered "A" and she is understandably tired from work and she does yoga right when we get home. I try to put on a little game and encounter her after she is done and this is what I get from her.

"A" - "Oh honey, I love you but I'm just not in the mood."
Beo - "I love you too babes. (anger building.......not showing it though)
"A" - "You can have your way with me though, and just do your thing."
Beo -"That's no fun. I want you to enjoy it too. I love seeing you happy."
"A" - "Well, then wait for when it's good for me."
Beo - "Alright."

Should have just taken the "Have your way with me" pass. Damn it.

I want a sex animal, but I have a Princess. I wouldn't want to trade "A" for anything in the World. I really do love her so much. But in this respect, we don't match up. But we're working on it. You're never reading my blog again, are you.