Rob Brown is "Air Guitar Champion" of Boston?

Holy crap dude, I wish I was kidding.
Robdeadskin from The Human Train Wreck is the "Air Guitar Champion" of Boston.....You have no idea what havoc this stupid, horrific, hilarious, mind numbing event was.

The last post talked about the show, and to make a long story short. I forgot I left my license with at a friends house a few days ago. So I called to make sure I could get in the bar to watch the Air Guitarist play. They said I couldn't get in without and i.d. So I was screwed and "A" and I were supposed to pick up Rob. He said he had called the guy and he was now in the event. "You entered dude!", I asked. "Yeah, I've got to find a song and burn it and let him no the placement, blah, blah, blah!", Rob was actually going to do this. This guy is awesome!

So we said we'd pick him up, and I had full intentions to definitely get into this place hopefully somehow. "A" had changed her mind about going at least four times. So the night already feels like it's getting out of control.

We get there about a half an hour before it starts, and we rehearsed a God damn Slayer song solo that Rob was going to air guitar too, at least like ten times to make sure he got it right. He was ready by the time we pulled up to Harper's Ferry in Allston, and also pretty smashed to boot. So he's already starting to act like an animal.

I run up to the bouncers and the first thing that they noticed was that Rob didn't have any sleeves. He had a death metal shirt on with arm holes. I guess that's against the rules, but they let him in anyways. I told the guy my license situation in total honesty, and he let me in as well. "A" was in the car, so I went back out and got a parking spot with her, which I got by asking a cook in the back of a restaurant if we could take a spot behind the building (there is hardly ever parking in that part of Allston, always packed). He let us park there, and then we entered. We hung and watched a real band play before the Air Guitarists. They were good, and then it was time. Rob is about eight deep right about now, and spitting every time I say something that makes him laugh. Which is about as constantly as possible, because it amuses me to see him spitting everywhere.

The first dude went up and he was just horrible. It was akin to watching your brother jam out in your bedroom in his boxers. Just a total jackass. The judges can vote on a scale of 4.0 - 6.0. They gave the first guy all 4.0's, basically saying he sucked. But all these people suck, because they're playing fricken' Air Guitar for Christ sakes! HA ha ha. Then my hommie, Robrizown, hits the stage as the second contestant. Knocking beer bottles on his way up to the stage he is totally shitfaced, yet everybody in the crowd was drinking too and enjoying themselves, so no one knew what horrifically funny events were about to unfold. I wasn't even prepared. But most of the contestants were college kids and none of them were as unique and genuinely scarred by society as Rob Brown. We had an animal about to be released on the general public in T-7 seconds. Rob stumbles to the mic with both hands, in air and lock in the devil horns sign.

This occurred in front of at least 70-80 people -

Robdeadskin - "YEAH! F@#*$ SLAYER!"

The music guys start the Slayer song he rehearsed in the car about four seconds to far into the solo, which instantly throws everything off for him. At that point though, Rob was going to do a solo, whether there was music or not. He is out of his mind.

He catches up to the solo and instantly starts whirlwinding his 12 inch long hair around. Fingers going a million miles a minute on an Air Guitar, to a song he has been playing for real since the 9th grade. He plays the solo fine and immediately after it ends, he begins to scream at the sound stage when his 60 seconds were up. I thought he was just dropping a bunch of F bombs, but he was screaming at the sound guys for screwing up the song. So he walks to the edge of the stage shaking his fist in the air, and screaming as he looses his balance; grabs the mic stand; and effing falls off the stage onto people, and about sixteen beer bottles.

I thought one of the beer bottles might have possibly broken, and punctured his neck. It had to be the most funniest thing I have ever seen, in quite some time. Rob pretty much ended the night before it even started. The friggin' guy took a digger off stage and the crowd was loving it! Everyone was in absolute shock. The judges all gave him 6.0's. One judge ended with saying, "That kid must sh@t iron ore." It was total, drug-out, rock start material. You really had to see it to believe it.

It was about 11:30 pm and I was glad to just get in to see Rob since I didn't have my license on me, and I wanted to get home. I had had enough, and I thought I saw the best part of the night. I may never live long enough to get over the regret of not staying.

Rob was chosen as one of the last finalist of the group, and had to perform a Van Hallen air guitar solo. I've been told the crowd chanted, "SLAYER, SLAYER, SLAYER, SLAYER!", the entire time though Rob's solo. He did a mock stage fall because of crowd demand to upstage his last one. Rob said it wasn't as good as the first one, but he also said he didn't really remember it!

He won first place and has a full round trip paid, to go to L.A. for the Air Guitar Championship Finals. He said some girls hit on him, and wanted him to stay longer. He said the people that were paying for his trip let him know that they can get him whatever accommodations he may require during his stay in L.A.. Including any drugs he may like to do. I think he said he goes to Sweden if he wins the one in L.A.

This is what can happen, if you enter an Air Guitar Championship.


Maybe I spoke to soon when I said, "God forgets some of his children?"