I'm Baaacckk!

Beo went on a little mental retreat.

I had a little planned mans vacation that I went on, from July 15 through July 18th. It was exactly what I needed. I wound up going up there with four less people than I had planned, so it ended up being Sean, John, and I.

Lunchbox, and J didn't head up because they're still into the going to concerts thing, and they wound up going to Ozzfest last Saturday, plus they had their own show on Sunday night. So, that's understandable.

Robdeadskin won the "Air Guitar" competition in Boston about a month ago, and then headed to L.A. free of charge to participate in the "Air Guitar" finals all last weekend. So, he too missed the mans trip to the New Hampshire woods that I had planned months ago. It was a tough one for Rob, because I knew how much he really wanted to go. When the air guitar people told him what date he had to be in L.A. for the finals he told the people, "Aw, that's when I'm supposed to go on a trip." The air guitar people said, "Comon' dude, you're going to L.A.!" Rob didn't win in L.A., as some local finalist called "The Rockness Monster," wound up winning. But, Rob had a good time and was mic'ed up, and appeared on the Today Show Monday morning. My friend S, had this account.

S. - At approximately 7:45am, EST, Robdeadskin was on the Today morning program during a segment about the Air Guitar contest in LA. He said, "Well, air guitar got me to Hollywood before my real band ever did!". They didn't show him actually playing, but that kid who did win, man he was pretty ****ing terrible. But with judges like that schmuck from "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle", it doesn't surprise me that Slayer was too hard for them. That ***hole will get laughed offstage in Finland. Slayer would have owned.

So, we'll have to make a return trip for Rob in the future.

V on the other hand, had absolutely no excuse.


Well actually, V had a bunch of excuses. Mind you, we switched the date so it would accommodate V's busy schedule per his request. First, a few days before the trip V told Sean, and Johnny that he didn't want to go, because he didn't want to be picked on by me the entire trip. That makes him an automatic female genital. Then, he went on to tell me hours before we were to leave for the trip that he doesn't really have any money. Plus, he would like to stay home because the married couple he lives with is taking off on a trip for the weekend, and he liked the fact that he'd have the house to himself. Then, he went on to tell me that he had bought tickets to go to see Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for that night. Alright V, just make sure you save your money first. Absolutely inexcusable, except for the fact that it's America, and in America you're allowed to do absolutely nothing if you want. But, this paragraph pretty much sums up V to a tee.

A big part of this trip was to celebrate the fact that V was moving to Pittsburgh to go to college, and he didn't even have the courtesy to save money for this trip, because he went on two other trips the previous weekend. Overall grade F-, but in V's defense, you can't please everyone.


The trip itself was a lot of fun. I'll try to structure it so it will be somewhat fun to read.

Friday July 15th - First, Johnny bought a cell phone to replace the one he lost, so we could use it up at the camp. I let him know there was no electricity at the camp, and he agreed we better by a car jack charger. We got up there about 10p.m. at night, but we almost turned around when Sean's car started acting funny around 4:30 - 5p.m. It was surprising as Sean has a fairly new car with low mileage. I think one of the circuit boards in the engine might have been on it's way out the door, as all the electrical gadgets in the car started acting up. His overdrive warning light came on, and we pulled into a gas station. I told him I'd understand if he wanted to turn back, because I didn't want him to get his car stuck up God knows where. He said we should press on. So we did and then the car seemed fine, but we were so neurologically toxified that I got tripped up by the way rte. 128 turns into rte. 93, so we wound up driving east and west a couple times in northern Massachusetts before heading north to New Hampshire finally. We got up there finally at 10p.m., and Johnny bought the car jack charger finally. When we actually got to the camp, I hooked up the propane to the camp and got the lights going. We enjoyed the rest of the evening cooking food on the grill pit, and drinking merrily. I even made a toast to Thurston out in Florida from Aborted Thoughts of the Scattered Mind. I have no idea what time we went to sleep.

Saturday July 16th - Did what a pot head would do in the morning, then ate some eggs and headed for the river to go swimming. I asked Johnny if his phone was charged yet. He said it was, but he wasn't getting service. We packed up some beers, and unfortunately some Ice 101. The day was pretty much over from there as I remember scattered images of swimming, and going back to shore to grab the Ice 101 to bring out to the guys to drink in the current. Then, I remember Johnny stabbing me in the hand with a buck knife he bought the day before from Wal-Mart, and then me bleeding all over the back of Sean's car. That was exactly the reason why I told Johnny not to buy the knife in the first place. I knew it would wind up being used on me. Then I remember collecting fire wood with the guys. I would fall asleep at about 5:15p.m. with the guys doing practical joke type things to my unconscious body. ("A" has not gotten a courtesy call from me yet. I want to, but without letting the guys know I want to.)

Sunday July 17th - I awake to blinking lights outside the window in the pitch mountain black, at 2 a.m.. At first, I thought we were being abducted, then I realize it was the alarm lights on Sean's car. The wacky circuit board in the engine was at it again. I awoke Sean to tell him his car was blinking, and he informed me that that was a problem, because if the batteries were dead on his alarm key chain, we were not going to be able to get inside the car. If this is confusing for you, just imagine what this was like for me hungover at 2 a.m. The car wouldn't open, and Sean told me to get inside the trunk, and kick the backseat open so I could crawl inside to unlock the doors. I did this successfully, but not before the trunk came down directly into my face while I was frantically kicking the backseat.

I would reawake at about 10 a.m., and I swear the only thing that kept me alive throughout the night was a gallon jug of iced tea. God bless that iced tea. I got up vowing to not drink another drop of liquor for the rest of the vacation. I asked Johnny if the cell phone was working yet. He told me "no", and that he couldn't understand what was wrong with the phone. I really feel like calling "A", but I am mostly paying for the guys on this trip, and I don't feel like wasting more money on a costly call back home. We got some coffee, went swimming again, then we cooked at the camp and finished up the food, and reluctantly headed home around 7 p.m., while the entire way home, the wacky circuit board in the engine constantly made the locks go up and down on the car doors for absolutely no reason. Classic line of the trip. I say, "Dude, what is the deal with your door locks?" I laugh. "Guy, laugh it up. This car got you up to New Hampshire, and this is what the car got in return." Sean said.

We reached a working non-pay phone at 11 p.m., and Sean called his girlfriend Jill. She informed him that "A" was pretty steamed with me. I thought Sean made that up and laughed as I called "A". Here is the conversation.

Beo, "Hello."
"A", long pause....."click.."

"Dude, I think she just hung up on me." I say to Sean. So, I call again.

"A", "Hello."
Beo, "Hey, did you just hang up on me?"
"A", "Alaksjdflj ojowefn oidas madf la jsdfj adljl asdljkl ldasfjaei22"
Beo, "Hey, you better calm down."
"A", "click.."

"Nice dude, she's mad at me." I say. "That's a tough one." says Sean.

So, "A" and I battled for a couple hours when I got home, and we finally hammered it out. I wanted to call, but I didn't want to have to pay the pay phone. I should have thought of 1-800-COLLECT. I really did want to call "A" though, and if the cell phone ever did work I would have. Johnny wound up finding out that the phone company screwed up his service. That's why his phone worked, but he couldn't call out on it. Next time I will definitely find a way to call her at least once, no matter what.

But hey, that's why they call it a man's trip. You wind up pissing everyone off except the guys.