A Human Lab Rat

So I have agreed to join a study that will pay me a substantial amount of money. Providing everything goes well, and I don't have any complications. Otherwise I may need surgery.

The study I am joining takes place this coming Wednesday. I cannot have anything past midnight on Tuesday evening. Then, I will need to come to an office Wednesday morning to swallow a pill size camera with 1/4 of water. I will then be asked to eat an egg sandwich with radioactive jelly on it(I'm not kidding). Then, I am only allowed to sit and read or watch DVD's for eight to nine hours. The only nutrition I will receive during the duration is a can of Ensure (a nutrition supplement) at lunchtime. Physicians want to study how my intestines pass the camera in hopes to help other people with an illness that makes it hard to digest food properly.

Then the physicians will give me a little plastic sifting cup. With this, they will show me how to properly sift through my waste to retrieve the camera pill. Upon return, they will give me a check for my troubles and that will be that.

The drawback is that it could get stuck in my stomach and they would have to pump it to get it out. Or it could get stuck anywhere in my intestines, which in that case I would need surgery to get it removed. I am hoping not to even have to worry about these two drawbacks but hey, we'll see.

I Cannot Tell A Lie

So I found something out about "A"'s ring when we got it. I couldn't lie to anyone when I started showing people the ring. I would show them and then instantly guilt would fill me until I blurted out, "It's fake though. We decided to go that route."

I don't know what my problem was but, I sent it back and now I am taking it on myself to get a real ring and this is the one I am going to get for "A". Well, it's not exactly what I am going to get her because the cut of the emerald is different but it's about as close as I can get it.

I think with it being the first time and with that it being special for "A", I'll just go with the real deal so I can show people or tell people about it without the guilt which "A" can't understand why I feel.

Me, the person that loves to say, "I don't care what people think." Is insecure about putting a fake ring on my girlfriend. Go figure. I hate being a hypocrite.

Time to run through the rain drops and hop on a rolling flatbed. Till tonight.

Raining on the 919 (nine-nineteen)

The rain cascades down into chemical pools.
People scurry hurriedly,
with their hands wrapped around the news.

So absorbed in their work and their worries
That they forget to see
The wet sky annoying them from above,
and the orbing water droplet staring back at me.

Maybe they should stop and drop
into that large puddle on the street.
Thrash around maniacally, for all the world to see.
I'd join you too, and act a fool; ever so jubilantly.
------------------------------

You ever listen to peoples conversations. My girlfriend is an eavesdropping extraordinaire, but I hate to listen to other peoples chatter. But when I do, they are always complaining. "This" is in their way, and "that" is just ridiculous. It's so funny how we manifest these little problems to make our life seem so much more worthwhile.

Then on the other end, you can't really tell people how things are really good and "this" is making you happy all the time. If you do, people don't want to ask you anymore because they already know everything is great and it probably isn't for them. I'm not always happy, but I do try to find the positives in everything.

I just feel like interrupting the complaining people that I get caught behind, as I wind up being apart of their conversation and I want to peek over the persons shoulder and say, "Hey, cheer up buckeroo. Do you think your gonna make it? Why don't all three of us skip work today since it's raining out. We'll go to the nearest forest and run naked through the brush and trees screaming and laughing at the top of our lungs. Do you think that will cheer you up?"

Have A Happy Easter

I don't trust this bunny.

Horrid Confessions IV:



Back in my teen years when I was in a chaotic spiral of drugs, sex, and inner turmoil. There were brief glimpses of another side of the human species existence that most people may never get to uncover. I've grown to understand that what most people look forward to as they mature is owning a house or having kids, getting a great job, ect.... Everything that, as you age is promoted to you as what you want and need.

As a child, throughout my teen years, to this day. I always felt like there was something more to my existence. That I was destine to change something. I just couldn't figure out what it is, and I still haven't. I have this undying urge to be free and in those teen years I found it, whether it be fortunately or unfortunately, by any assortment of drugs. The most prolific being cocaine, which I would experiment with sexually with another willing partner. Understandably enough, I feel the most liberated during sexual activity. When cocaine was added to this mix, there became a new realm of possible experiences with the human body. Freedoms you could never imagine.

Cocaine has an unusual effect of causing one to feel a desire to tell truths and share the most intimate of details, and the most intimate of desires as well. Sharing so truthfully to each other our feelings as we did, we also did the most unspeakable things to each other sexually. Not leaving the bedroom for fear of parents seeing our condition we were forced to relieve ourselves in cans or other containers in the confines of a bedroom. Sexual acts of unexplainable injustice and magnitude. Just doing things you would never see other humans do in any other facet of life. But it wasn't the gross, foul, disgusting acts we did too each other or in front of each other. As it was for those brief moments, another person and I had escaped the confines of an acceptable human existence. I felt I had finally broken away and became something more without violence, or anything that could actually be deemed illegal.

I had found a brief loop hole in the social construct. I was free. Yet, it was highly unproductive and I was not going to survive the trip. I was finding myself in semi-consciousness with voices trying to wake me up more and more often, and I would was beginning to have "reactions", as I liked to term them. They were probably anxiety attacks from the amount of the drug affecting the rate of my heartbeat. The drug actually ruined the relationship by the end of it all, which is regrettable, but was needed for me to learn what I now know.

A dream is out there for each one of us, we're all just searching for it. We are all destined for something. Some of our dreams are going to be more easily attainable then others. I have been clean from cocaine for quite some time now, but once you start you have never fully stopped. I enjoy the fact that my life is on the edge at some points though. It makes me feel alive, and human. Those times shared in my teen years with that person, skirting the sexual boundaries of life and death. I touched a part of the dream I was longing for, and everyday since I've been picking up new pieces to it one by one.

My dream is difficult to reach, and I haven't seen it fully yet. But I can't wait to see what it's going to look like.

P.S. - I am not a subhuman. I lead a very active healthy life. I thought I'd say that just in case you are appalled by the confession. "A" also knows all these stories so....

Young Choice for One Eared boy

I hear things only in mono.

So I figured it is about time to give a little tale of my first realization of my ear since I titled the blog after it. The year was 1982 when my parents sat me down and explained to me at the kitchen table that I had grade II microtia and that it was noticeable.

I had no idea what they were talking about and thought I could hear fine. The idea got across to me when they ask me to find a canal like the one on the other side which could hear. The only thing I got was some ear wax and flesh blockage. So I asked why were we bringing this up.

My parents explained to me at 4 years of age, that if I wanted I could fix this. They explained that if they cut some skin off my ass they could stick it on my ear and make it look like an ass ear. Then, they will take a drill and make an artificial ear canal with one stipulation. If there is any miscalculation, they could hit a nerve that is nearby and I could go completely deaf. Therefore, I would need to practice sign language before I went for surgery just in case. What the hell kind of question is that for a 4 year old?

Thankfully, I declined because I actually didn't want to learn sign language. I guess at the time, getting some ass put on my ear, going possibly deaf, and drilling a hole in my head sounded like good times. Who knows though. Maybe if I excepted my parents might have over-ruled me and not done it. I've never asked. Probably should. It would add a little bit to the story. Hmmm, maybe this Sunday I'll bring it up during the Easter feast. That story goes well with food.

Did you know if I was born a girl, my parents were going to name me Barbetta? Maybe, they would have let me decide on the operation after all.

Co-Worker Asks To Borrow Deep Throat DVD

So the lab I work in is filled with attractive female med-tech's, and one other male. Today, one of the girls pulls me aside and says, "Hey, you know that DVD you were talking about that you watched with your girlfriend?"

I stare back in excitement, "Yeah, you mean D.T.?"

The girl giggles, "Yeah, ya big oaf."

I laugh back at her, "What about it?"

She pulls me in to whisper, "I wanna know if I can borrow it. My man is like a girl when it comes to getting in the sack, and it always has to be perfect so I just want to......you know.?.?."

My jaw is completely open, "Oh man, that is so hot!"

She laughs and slaps me playfully on the back. "Shut up ya idiot. Will you?!?!?!"

"Absolutely." I tell her as she turns with a smile, and she walked away with a little gitty-up in her step.

An Easy Way To Save Our Planet.

Well, like I promised I found a web site to fight against the offshore drilling in the Artic. The best one I could come up with was Environmental Defense .

It will let you know of any rallies that are in your area and you can check off activities that you would like or not like to be a part of. If you want you can just have the site send a pre-type e-mail to the President and your local politicians to voice your displeasure.

Sign up. It doesn't take much, and maybe we should all take on a little more responsibility for our planet than we're used to. Remember the days of throwing everything out the car window? We stopped doing that. Maybe we can stop more things than we thought. I hope so.

Classic Odd "Quotes"

"I didn't say anything. Got nothing to say. I'm a married man; I don't need a relationship with another man."

Spoken by Shaquille O'Neal on why he barley acknowledged Kobe Bryant before a recent Heat-Lakers game.

We Are The Meek

So we all struggle everyday. We fill our lives with what we perceive to be important. All the while playing the game. Living as free as our wallet will allow and not seeing a problem with that. It's what we are built on. Unfortunately, it's only the intelligent that escape a demographic to become an equal in society. By equal, I mean someone that has no monetary worries and may lead any productive lifestyle they choose. It's either that, or you're someone who got a lucky golden ticket somehow. Luckily for most, intelligence is gained through school if you are willing to go into debt with any number of companies and agencies that want your social security number.

Even if your not lucky enough to be in that case. What about the kids in ghetto communities where there is seemingly no way out except through military recruitment that is conveniently available on the corner of your worst neighborhoods. These are the people we label heroes. Which they are, but they really didn't have a choice now did they. Their families are proud and probably not aware of the coincidence. Or maybe they are and they just accept that that's really the only choice to be productive. They're over in other nations fighting and beating people that are just like them in some cases. Couldn't that be termed as slavery in the greyest way.
How about the people in other countries that are forced to make profit for richer continents, and when they deal with their own commercial product huge trade taxes are put on their item for being a smaller nation. Making it more useful to continue making the richer continents products. Or the group of Thai sweatshop workers that made Nike-Tiger Woods apparel and were laid off and showed up in force for a banquet Tiger was having in Bangkok. They sent him an open letter during the banquet describing their working conditions and told him how it would take a Thai worker 38 years to make what Tiger made in a single day. They wanted Tiger to help, but that was too much for Tiger to handle.

See, that is one position I would love to be in if I had the chance. If I was Tiger in that instance I would have fought for change as if my name was Angelina Jolie. A man of seemingly of all nationalities with a chance to make a change for national equality. Even the richest sport figure of our era is meek.

From the shanties in Africa, to the unknown innocent in Iraq, right back to you and me holding on to every last penny. Trying to not wind up being a hasbeen and stocking shelves as a career when we are forty, wondering where it all went. Hoping to have enough money to have a healthy and happy life. We are all mice trying to get from the small wheel to the big wheel, in all variations.

The sentiment in this song is very strong for those who listen to the words. It's no wonder people hate America because even a large majority of American's don't like the financial situation they are in. Imagine a kid in a dirty hospital in Nairobi that watches his brother die knowing that certain aid might have helped him live. He'll never know the riches other countries had at their expense to save him. Yet, the big wheel continues sucking up any value from the smaller.

Is it really a surprise that we feel trapped and in a dire need for a ride down Rodeo Drive?

Without global equality, there will never be freedom.

Rick James would call him, "The New Lawd of Darkness!"

If the NFL was Star Wars, Randy Moss would be Darth Vader.

He is crass, arrogant and disrespectful. "What's 40G's to me?!?!", Randy was video taped saying to reporters after he was fined for bum rushing the field-goal post in the playoffs against the Packers. He was only paying homage to a friend that danced like that and mooned the crowd because that's what the Green Bay fans do to visiting teams when their leaving on the bus. I'll make all the excuses for him myself. Even if they need to be made up.

The reason, as Tony Montana so eloquently put, "You need people like him, to make yourselves feel bettah." The NFL is all about entertainment and what is more entertaining than a young man who loves to smoke weed, makes millions of dollars, has no respect for the game, yet can make you howl in delight when he makes a spectacular catch for a touchdown.

You know a new touchdown dance is coming. It won't be in the first game of the season, but the game after that a forewarned Al Davis is going to watch Randy score a touchdown, spike the ball and take a dump right in the middle of the endzone. When Randy finishes he'll look around and scream, "Somebody get me some T.P., I got the mud-butt."

I love Randy Moss. Just for the shear fact that if I got the chance, I would love to buck the conglomerate NFL system too. What can you do to a person who is bringing in ticket sales. Trade me I guess. Of course, I wouldn't be that person because that isn't me. But is sure is nice to fantasize about.

Randy Moss is coming to New England for the first game of the NFL season this year, and I will be there. And there will be no dumps allowed in the endzone.

Kim IL-Jong

In Korean you'd call this guy a Jiralhanae.

Another example how being born into a privileged home puts the wrong person in the drivers seat for a country. This guy acts like a cross between a Korean guy, the late Hunter S. Thompson, and Larry Flynt.

Kim bangs girls all day, just found out about a child he has with a mistress in Tokyo. Drinks lots of alcohol and purports to have nuclear weapons with the intention of threatening the United States and backed away from the six-nation talks to stop his nuclear operation. Oh yeah, he rules his country with the always popular totalitarian theory. So you have to actually call Kim to ask if you can take a number two in your toilet. He usually says, "No, you can't!"

China is so frustrated by his constant outburst that they did not include the usual explanation that North Korean nuclear weapons really can only have the defensive purpose of deterring a US attack. Meaning they can only attack the surrounding countries of North Korea if the US planned to attack from those bordering countries. The US thankfully do not have any plans. You never know with Bush and a bag of cocaine one night at the White house. "Lets go get us some Japs!" Laura laughing after finishing a line, "George honey, he's Korean not Japanese."

Anyways, this dude Kim has to have a stroke or something. It would be like if Michael Jackson was allowed to run a country. It just wouldn't be good and something would go wrong at some point. Fortunately all Kim does is verbally threaten countries and control his own people. Well, that's kind of unfortunate so let me change that.

Washington's current strategy, if the six-nation talks do not resume, seems to be focused on further trade and financial sanctions to twist the screw tighter on the economically desperate North Korean regime. And if you actually listen closely to the North Koreans, behind their bluster about the bomb, they are still looking for a "justification for us to attend the (six-nation) talks" - a little less verbal abuse, a few more carrots, and they'll come back to the table. It's a bit like trying to manage a particularly sullen and emotional teenager with a big chip on his shoulder.

Why couldn't this guy put all his time into legalizing marijuana and prostitution globally or something that at least can be fixed. A nuclear bomb will take much too long to clean up, if we are around to clean it up at all. Cause' I don't know about you, but I don't totally trust China about the small range missiles he could "only" have.

Some facts from this article were reported originally by Gwynne Dyer The News Vision-Uganda's Leading Website, March 21st 2005.

The "A" Ring. What Am I Thinking?!?!

Beo is about to get engaged to "A". If you see Beo, run him over in your car.

So, the "A"ster has finally picked out a ring she likes and wants a more prominent example of commitment. Why is it so much easier for guys to be in a relationship than girls? I'm not going anywhere. I don't cheat on girlfriends. What is the deal with the ring? Is it like showing off your Johnson to another guy going, "Nice, I knew mine was big but thanks for the ego boost."

She says it is also outside social pressure that makes her feel the ring is necessary, but she says she trusts me and that this is just the next natural step. I asked her if we could just be best friends and lovers for the rest of our life and she told me no. Ah, well.

The best part is I lucked out a little bit. She had her choice from anything below two thousand five hundred, otherwise I would have to give my heart on the black market. We went to all the diamond stores you can think of and window shopped and it turns out "A" has great taste.

"Oh, this rings nice isn't it Beo?", "A" said. "Yeah, that's very pretty honey.", I turn to the guy at the counter, "How much is the one she's trying on?". "Oh, that one is going for 6G's.", the guy at the counter said. I reply, "Oh, do you have anything over 8G's, I looking for something nice." The counter guy then began to show me rings in that price range and "A" and I played along with our little private joke. She's cool like that.

So after a month or so of shopping and indecisiveness "A" told me that when she finally figured out which one she wanted she would let me know and did so this weekend. She truthfully wants a cubic zirconia from Ziamond.com. After hours of berating her about it, she told me we didn't need to take on another monthly bill and that she would be perfectly happy with this and that we will just go more extravagant on the wedding bands. Wow, sensibility from a woman that constantly needs to purchase things for everything.

"It still costs a half a grand.", "A" exclaims. Now that's a keeper.

Where Have All The Slush Puppies Gone

This puppy is ingrained in my childhood. The last place that I know of that sells them just got rid of their machine to make room for a new Dunkin Doughnuts. The slushies that are available now are of a smooth whipped version of the old classic. They're called Brain Freezzes and Slurpies and other things.

They are not the slushes I grew up on. The mixture of pebbled ice and sweet syrup, was what I longed for when I needed a little refreshing summer beverage. The old Slush Puppies machines had to be maintenanced year round and in New England and the only person who would grab one during the winter I'm sure, was me and probably me alone. Now it's gone, and I wanted one this morning. Another facet of my childhood closed up.

When I purchase a house it will be equipped with a slush puppie machine and one room will be devoted as a halfcourt basketball court for when commercials are on the T.V.

This I vow.

Horrid Confessions III:

A few springs back I was over a friends house and we were hanging out in the front of the house. That friend was drinking a beer and he decided to go inside to get something. I was with another person when the friend drinking the beer went inside, I pulled my pants down and rimmed the beer with my anus. This was done in full view of the other unsuspecting friend that was with me.

The friend who was drinking the beer came back outside and we all began conversing again. After a while, I decided it was time to go and so didn't the friend who saw me do the horrible thing to the other friends beer. So we waved goodbye and were looking back when the friend who we were leaving lifted the bottle to his lips and drank a nice full swig. The friend I was leaving with tried as best he could to hold in his sinful laughter. I chuckled as well, but I still feel very guilty about doing that to this day.

I take solace by thinking maybe someone has done that to me already too.

I've Been Avoiding Writing About This

Tedy Bruschi: More than likely, will never see the field again.

So, the saddest note about the Patriots title run is the unfortunate stroke Tedy has suffered from back on February 18, and was treated at my work. There was an internal rumor that he was in the hospital and it spread like wildfire. I knew when it was a stroke that the only way we would be able to see number 54 was if his family really wanted him out there. Otherwise, Bruschi would hang it up for his wife and children. I would too. More news is out today, and the sport journalists are still trying to stay positive.

Tedy has suffers from an opening in the upper chamber of the heart that allowed blood to flow to his lungs when he was a fetus. Unfortunately it never closed, and when this occurs it is called a patent foramen ovale or a (PFO). Up to 35% of the general population suffer from this disorder also. A clot forms in the right side of the heart from the irregular blood flow and then break loose and travels to the brain causing a stroke. Up to 30,000 and 100,000 patients suffer this type of stroke because of a clot passing through a PFO. Kind of an alarming statistic wouldn't you say?

The fact that Bruschi has supposedly been admitted in the last past couple of days to have the patent foramen ovale closed, could mean he is suffering from more stroke like symptoms. Sources are citing that he will likely miss the entire 2005-06 season. Rather than have open heart surgery, they will more than likely place a device in his heart in a less evasive procedure to provide closure and will need to take medication to prevent from further clotting. Irregular hear rhythms could occur from this procedure which will call for Bruschi to take even more medication that could impede his physical ability to perform on the field. There would be no guarantee that the device that provides Tedy closure in his heart will stay seated through the rigors of football activity. He will most likely be asked to find a new line of work.

Well, the truth is I would rather not see him play. It is so funny how these things happen to the wrong people. Bruschi plays with high school like enthusiasm on the field and he is 31 years of age now. Negotiates his own contracts, and wanted to be a Patriot his whole career. Making a whole lot less here than he would on the free-agent market. Why did this have to happen to him?!?!

The worst part for a fan is that Tedy hasn't talked about any of it yet. We just want to know how his spirits are and lend him support. That's all. Then he can lay low and heal or retire, whatever he chooses to do and we'll be there to cheer him until we have nothing left.

He had a media appearance dated for the 16th of this month, but at the last minute decided not to do it. God that's scary. The magic carpet ride the sports community has been riding took a big nose dive with this event. We just hope he is okay, and I can't wait to give him his last cheer. I may not ever be able to speak again.

Tedy Bruschi leaving M.G.H. after his unfortunate stroke.

Senate Ok's Oil Drilling In Alaska

America the Beautiful.

The Senate voted 51-49 in favor of opening the ecologically rich and pristine wildlife refuge to oil drilling. The only thing that seems capable of stopping or better yet, slowing this action down would be if Congress can't come up with a budget.

The oil industry has been trying to get at this oasis of Earth blood for decades and they believe it holds billions of barrels of oil beneath the 1.5 million acre coastal plain of the Artic. I feel so ashamed that I have not done more than just whine about this, and I plan on finding ways to help tonight when I get home. Maybe there is a group I can contact, will see.

You have to understand, it's not only the wildlife that concerns me, it is that fact that the only reason we continue to sap the Earth of fossil fuel is because that's what is the political norm. Nothing more, nothing less. That's what the Fat Cats in Suites made there living on and there is no way they're going to let anything else get into their market. Or stop them from handing down the privileged business to the next generation. They will fight to the death to keep their stature in life. Makes me sick. America the narrow and weak minded, and I am every bit as pathetic.

Can't we make a change to something more efficient now. Wouldn't that make a statement to Iraq if we switched the nation overtime to hydro powered cars and furnaces. Am I a freaking idiot. Wouldn't that do the ocean a great deal of good. So what if everyone looses money, can't we find something else to do for the good of the only place we can live. I want a President that fills me with pride because we can change and be better for our country and planet. Not dig deep into the rich wallet of the Earth and keep raping her. I'm sick.

The most unbelievable thing is, at peak production Alaska could provide 1 million barrels a day. But even the drilling supporters admit that it will make no difference in meeting the insatiable demand or lower soaring oil prices.

I sometimes wish for the end of us and our constant failing. So that the people that think their lives are so important and rich can for a brief moment, realize how empty it really is. Sometimes I wish for it so I can know I was there when it happened. Not die worring how it turned out.

It would be like reading a book, and passing on before you finished it.

The Good Ole' Days

Auditory Dysfunction: Standing left to right.
Lunchbox, Johnny, Sean, J, and Rob.
No longer in service.

Ah, those were the good ole' days. No direction in life and trying to get that lucky ticket with that one shot in the dark. Music will always be a part of my life, but turning away from it was one of the hardest and most influential decisions of my life.

For so long I couldn't understand why things weren't going in my favor. This band was the greatest conduit for that angst you could ever imagine. Oh the stories I could tell....Well, actually at some point I really will. For now though, some of the most happiest and freewheeling moments of my life were shared with these guys. I love each and everyone of them, even if I don't talk to some of them anymore. So the story goes.......

It took a few years to actually get together. I got with the band after a I came back from a year stint to California. A few guys left and then the rest of the guys came together and we were the most whacked out band you could ever imagine. Speed Death Metal with harmony, however that is possible. Imagine the band Wham with six members all smoking crack. I was slowly digging a grave for myself with the amount of intoxicants the band and I were doing. Let alone by myself. We played every show you can imagine. Small clubs, big clubs, you name it. It takes work and there are no promises of getting noticed. So I made a decision to rejoin life and leave the band. Hell, it was on it's way out the door before I left. We did gigs for at least three years. I really can't remember exactly.

The last show I played ended on a sour note literally, when I urinated on Rob on stage. The dumb bastard didn't even realize it was going on till it began to seep into his shoe and cool on his leg. Ah, those were the days. So off went Rob after that show and luckily he forgave me, and we still hang and he's back in his old band Teratism , and they are doing well. On the radio and such. Luchbox and J stayed on once Auditory fell apart and joined up with Coldread and they are still doing their thing as well. It's bittersweet because I was apart of that longshot dream that we all hope for.

Johnny is now rehabbing himself off of cocaine. Sean is in school and is one of the greatest individuals you could ever know. I feel worst about things not working out for him than for me. Just because how music is really such a part of his soul. It's funny how things change. Seems like it was just yesterday, but it's been a good amount of years since then. I went and played semi-pro football for a local team just to prove to myself I could still do it. Now I'm in school and have a lot of things I've always wanted, but could never figure out how to get, back then. So you'll hear about these guys now and then.

To memories, and change. The two things I embrace and fear most.

Inflection Creating Emotion

It was the beginning of summer and we all went out to the beach for the first time of the year. The staples of the day were an areobee frisbee, water, and my kites. Yes I highly enjoy flying kites. I got everyone gathered in a circle and we were tossing the frisbee back and forth. It was all couples and some third wheels thrown in. Boy here, girl there. Some of them I didn't even really know that well. A little while later, the sun was turning the sky a reddish tone. Almost like it was trying to mark the first day of summer.

A friend of a mutual friend, Scott, came up to me while I was flying one of my kites and he caught me staring aimlessly out into the line that connected the reddish sky and the ocean. "Hey, how's it going over here.", Scott said.
"Doesn't it almost hurt your eyes when your look at something that's so boundless.", I shot back at him.
"Pretty deep dude.", Scott said with a laugh. Then he gave me a friendly slap on the back, and when he did, I felt particles of sand that had dried on me cascade off.
"Hey.", I said and waited to catch his eye while still controlling the kite. "This is gonna be the best summer ever, no kidding, anything you can think of man. We're going to do it." Scott, stood there and stared back at me for a while just nodding his head. As I turned my gaze away from him and back to the kite I realized that when I said that to Scott, I had said it with all the conviction that was welling up inside me. Maybe I was just caught in one of those moments in time where everything seems so perfect, that if you could pause it, you would live in it forever and call it heaven.

Anyways, the summer did turn out great, but I hadn't seen Scott anytime after the first day at the beach. So a few weeks ago, I run into Rob and he says, "Hey, Scott told me to tell you that you're liar."
"What?", I asked in amusement.
"Scott was saying how last year you told him how the summer was going to be the greatest ever, and he like really believed you, and he said to tell you that it sucked and you have to make it up to him for this year.", Rob finished and asked what that was all about. I laughed and told Rob the whole story.

Later on that evening though, I thought about how long that moment had stuck with Scott. The influxious conviction in my words gave him an aspiration for the entire summer. Maybe he felt that perfect moment on the beach too, and believed whole heartedly that the summer was going to be great. Whatever it was, I found it amazing that after all this time. He had to let me know that I owe him one.

Horrid Confessions II:

I had gotten a good amount of intoxicants for the little getaway to a camp my parents own in the mountains. The person I was dating at the time was on the same downward road as I was. Two lovers testing the limits of freedom.

We stopped at the State liquor store and took the two tabs of white blotter acid. I thought briefly about who comes up with the names of these drugs, and if it was possible for the government to be in on it, and having a board meeting on naming new brands as we speak.
Then, her and I smoked behind the liquor store building and headed the rest of the way to the camp. By the time we got in town the shaking from the torque of the engine had carried its reverberations into my abdomen and it continued after I turned the engine off. Feeling hollow I entered the convenience store and fumbled desperately for my wallet while explaining what I wanted, and held on as best as I could to my sanity.

Leaving the store, I new the next challenge was to hook up the propane gas to light the cabin for the duration of out stay. When arriving we engaged in some type of animalistic act and I realized, I hadn't hooked the gas up to the cabin yet. It was getting deep into dawn when I took the propane tank from the car and carried it to the back. When connected, I was confused by the loud hissing sound coming from the tank or the line. I couldn't be sure. I was trying hard to find where the noise was coming from and it seemed to be coming from everywhere.

I stared in total confusion and panic at how hard it was to focus on individual details from the effect of the hallucinogenic. Soon, to my amazement, hundreds of flies began to swarm around me. I thought I was hallucinating it as well, but it became scary as more and more swarmed around. I figured, latter that the propane gas was what attracted them.

We continued are drug fueled vacation as two high school kids, enjoying not being anything. In the end returning refreshed, it wasn't until the end of the week that I was told by my Father that at anytime during our vacation, the gas that was leaking from the line leading into the cabin could have caught fire from any number of ignition units in the camp, and it would've exploded right against the wall were we slept. He had driven up to investigate what I was talking about after we had gotten back. It is amazing how close things can come from going bad to worse.

Movie Reviews You Can Relax To.

We've had so many snow storms now, people are getting creative.

So there we were on Saturday. The two eared girl and I, with another winter front coming through the area dropping icy snow. I had gotten a gift for my nieces birthday and now we are probably going to decline on driving seeing as how bad it is out. I originally wanted to go and get my niece a 17' trampoline. These are the delusions of grandeur New Englanders have at the tail end of a winter. We get strange and irritable from the constant cold and precipitation. There is no way a trampoline will be a good idea in a snow storm. I will have to wait for my nephews birthday in July to get the trampoline, a cabbage patch doll will do for now.

Anyways, I wound up spending the whole day at home with "A" and I saw an excellent movie last night on the Sundance channel. What Alice Found was such a surprisingly good movie I had to post something for it. Very unique in how you have no idea which way the movie is going to go at any time. Tons of plot twists, and you never know who the villain is going to work out to be. In the end, the villain is the most refreshing aspect of all. I love how they portrayed sex in this movie, it can be very complicated, and a young mind may not be able to handle the atmosphere. They portrayed this amazingly in the movie. Emily Grace is the lead actress and is totally my type. The wholesome next door girl gone wrong. I'm telling you, watching this movie really made being snowed in for most of the day really worth it. Go get the DVD and I promise you won't be sorry. Let me know if there are any deleted scenes. It came out in 2003 so you may have already heard of it.

If so, why didn't you tell me!?!

Bring Back The Natick Native

The Pats picked up Doug Flutie today. When he takes the field for the first exhibiton game he comes in for.........



Having Doug as a backup would put Pat Nation on a Natural High.


Sources are siting that Doug is openly voicing a desire to come back to the Patriots. He was recently seen at a B.C. game and is back at his homestead in Natick as usual in the off-season. Recently cut by the Chargers he is saying that he would like to play backup for one more year and sees the Patriots as a perfect choice.

Ever since his going to the CFL and taking it by storm, then returning to the NFL for some dramatic memories in Buffalo and the infamous benching of him in the playoffs for Rob Johnson. To his one starting year with the Chargers, I have thought about how great it would be to get the man that put B.C. Football on map back on the Pats. His legions of fans in New England will remain as long as they're alive and his Hail Mary pass will live on as one of the greatest highlights in college football history. I met Doug back in 1988 at an invite only autograph signing. I told him how I played Pop Warner football and wanted to be just like him and he rubbed my head and told me to never give up and try hard all the time. That statement speaks for his play on the field to this day.

The fans of New England would be ecstatic if he was picked up. Jim Miller has moved on and there is a spot that needs to be filled with just Rohan Davey as a backup to Tom Brady. Imagine the ovation that will occur if Doug takes the field in an exhibition game before the season starts. I can see Tom laughing on the sidelines already.

His agent is quoted in the Boston Herald today as saying it's a long shot, but he'd love to finish his career as a backup to Brady. "I don't see myself playing beyond next year, unless it's under unique circumstances,'' Flutie said.-By Lenny Megliola/ Metrowest Daily NewsSaturday, March 12, 2005

Playing a few miles away from Natick sounds like unique circumstances to me. Now if it could only make sense to the man that has no place in his heart for emotions when it comes to winning. Can Bill find it in his heart to give us a gift from all the emotionally scaring cuts he's put us through, and can we be lucky enough to have a love affair with our homeboy Doug Flutie rekindled?.........

Pats Ink Tim Dwight To One Year Deal

Yeah, and keep the heal imprint I left in your mug for free.
Ahhh, skeet, skeet, skeet!

Somebody give me a tall glass of Samuel L. Jackson beer, cause' I love this pickup. Tim Dwight and all of his 5' 8" - 180-pounds will be adding to the receiver depth next year, and will be pushing the current crop of Patriots receivers in training camp to keep themselves tip-top or they may not be starting. Also adds depth at the kick and punt return game with his great speed now that Troy may not come back, and Bethel is catching balls off the machine as we speak.

There is an attachment X-Factor to this pick as well. The New England fans love little white dudes. We always root for the underdog, the guy that makes it out on the field with grit and heart. Doug Flutie, Dan Klecko, David Meggett and the like. Fans relate to players that don't belong out there, because they don't either. Hopefully he stays healthy, but our receiving corps never does. Good pickup and the fans will love him. Ah, that Bill.


Mmmmm...Mmmmmm.....Beatch.

Horrid Confessions I:

At the tender age of seventeen I had been experimenting with marijuana regularly. I began to look for ways to heighten the experience. For some ungodly reason, that usually makes couples not want to have kids, I decided that if I added chemicals to the pot then I could modify the high.

I remembered the hydrochloric acid my father stored in the basement of our home. 'Now that's a heavy duty chemical', I thought. So when the rent's began their drift into sleep, I crept downstairs to the basement with my corn cob pipe. Poured the acid into the cap that topped it, and dipped the weed in. When I inhaled the first hit it was business as usual but it only took a few more hits for the chemical to affect the lining of my lungs. An irritable burning sensation, then my heart rate quicken. Probably from the shock of what an unusually stupid predicament I had put myself into.

I slowly began upstairs and thought of how it would be best to wake my parents and tell them of the atrocity I had committed. I stood there for a moment, in the hallway between the kitchen and the door to my parents bedroom and gathered my thoughts. I had begun sweating profusely by the time I had reached the top of the stairs and the burning in my lungs had not gone away. "What to do?', I thought.

I decided to take my chances. The disappointment and panic that would attack my parents I felt was too much to bear. I headed to the living room and laid on the couch, figuring this would be my greatest chance of having my parents find me if any unfortunate events happened while I slumbered. If I was in my room, it wouldn't be late into the afternoon that my parents might have checked on me. I laid there on the couch sweating through pins and needles in my chest hoping I would get another chance to not do something this foolish again.

E-Mail That Proves Your Friend's Know Your Whipped

> Yo, what's the deal for this weekend? Sean and I suggest that you
> make Saturday "A"'s Night. Friday, C's-Pistons, HD. What do yout
> think?
>

My Response.......

> That sounds like a pliznanarama. I ask "A" and she is cool with it.
> They are playing at home friday? This e-mail is getting posted by
> the end of the day. How shamefully whipped am I?
>

Keep Killing, Rather Than Start Saving.

I loathe you Mr. Bush, and your simple idealistic cowboy views of America.


This guy is an a-hole. Since my peers have elected him for a second term I will respect that he is the President in my own way. I find it funny how we trust someone to run our country, and we never know if he or she is really a good person or not. It may not matter to you, if you feel the President is just a figure head of the whole organization of government. But Bush got his wish and he vocally boasted how he is a "fightin' President". So fine Bush, go reform Iraq. Find Osama before you wake up with him laying in bed next to you and we'll wish you well at the end of these four years. I have one serious worry though.

Bush has concerns about gas prices. He feels a long-range energy plan is need that calls for oil drilling in the Arctic wildlife refuge. I remember Bush saying that we were going to turn our dependence for oil away from other countries and find better ways, but I thought that meant getting away from oil with such things as hybrid automobiles and the like. News story after news story of oil tanker spills and the amount of money it takes to clean up sickens me every time I see it in the paper. Last summer was particularly bad when a number of huge spills occurred even with a spill near a popular New England scallop shelf that was closed indefinitely because they didn't know if it had tainted the scallops or not. It reopened by the end of the summer with supposed no effects but still.

Does the President not have enough evidence that we have ravaged the planet enough of fossilized fuel. Wars are fought over it, men are dying for it. Ole' G.W.B. wanna go get his own fresh oil out in one of the only pristine places left on the planet. Sick, narrow minded, bastard. Take your pick. A spill out there could be devastating to the gentle ecology and would take decades for the damage to subside. We have better ways to create energy but the oil bushiness has their thumb way too far up the hole you stick it in when you're being commanding while engaged in the doggystyle position. I can't wait till he leaves.

I want Hillary R. Clinton in 2008. It's getting talked about in the same way the Walker trade was getting talked about. Quietly, yet surely. She would want to make a positive impact being the first woman President. I think were ready. It also would be a big F-YOU to the womanizing Muslims. Bill can't wait to be the first President's Man. Ha ha, I love that guy.
You're a real Jackass Mr. President

Classic "A" Quote

"Gonna Brush My Choppers Before They Fall Out".....cueing me(Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap) "Deep In The Heart of (whatever town I live in)."

With the first verse sung by "A" and the second verse by yours truly whenever she beats me to the sink first.
I know, lame.

"B.T.K" - They're Everywhere, and they're Nowhere

Dennis Rader - "I love religion."

I love the news reports that are in the paper now because of Dennis Rader. "There could be anywhere from 20 serial killers operating nationwide, accounting for 200 deaths a year." Jesus, I wonder how many poor old ladies are having anxiety attacks over that one. Reports are saying how the image of a serial killer being a disenfranchised loner has been shattered.

Now everyone is supposedly looking over their shoulder at each other, wondering what dark things they really hide inside. Hey, look no further. I am full of some sick, dirty, nasty things. I've got a full trunk load. I'm the guy you eat lunch with everyday. Do I believe in love over violence. Absolutely, but I couldn't count the number of times on my commute to work that I think about choke slamming someone. Whether they are inconsiderate, absorbed in their own world, or just plain rude. People are pissing each-other off constantly.

So when I read through this newspaper article I immediately thought, "This is one guy that had enough. He was a working part of society and despised life at the same time." If you really think about it, what controls your moral values? Chemicals and electric impulses. We always turn the other cheek and let things go. I am afraid of to tell you how close I have come to letting something dark and nasty out if I got pushed one more time (purposely mind you, I would let it go if it was an accident) by someone with a bag or an attitude on the train. Remember, I am a very caring person. To the point where my friends josh me about being metro and a little too feminine. We don't get to let out our natural aggression out in society anymore. Unless you play a sport, or go to the gym. Something of that nature. Well, I haven't played sports in a while and I've been a little too busy to go to the gym as of late. Giving someone who is a jerk a head-butt shot to the teeth, may seem immature, but the satisfaction from the torn skin on my forehead and the hope that a lesson was taught to my new friend would be great indeed.

I know, that's horrible. Hey, I always turn the other cheek. I just look ahead and it scares me how many cheeks there are to turn. In that respect, after hearing Rader talk, he had the whole normal thing down. Very intelligible, had a family, didn't seem introverted, all the things we have. But somewhere, through all the fake smiles and the fake "How do you do's", he had had enough and decided to go in the other direction in humanity. We all think it, he did it. Are you really surprised that there are more people out there like him? We are him.
p.s.-after reading this through I apologize for the sick nature of the material. I mean what I say, but I would never want to kill anyone. Sometimes honesty scares myself.

I Got the MP3's to WORK!!..............Someone, Grab my Pee-Wee Doll.

Well, I am very proud of my small achievement and I appreciate everyone that I bothered and prodded for information. Even V for his small task of letting me know if they worked or not. Thanks guys. Now enjoy the music! The songs I post will be for either comedic value, or the fact that I truly love that song and that it may have a chance to be heard and appreciated by all. Even though it probably will not. I do realize that I have very few comments on my page, but I appreciate everyone that stops by and I really enjoy the writing so, from my embrace to yours.

Sorry About the Audio Problems

I have been bumbling my way through, trying to understand how to post MP3's so that anyone can here them. I was all ecstatic when I got the audio clips I wanted to work, only to realize the only person they worked for was me. I am currently trying to figure out a way of getting a third-party to host my MP3's or finding a shareware system. It is getting pretty tedious to have some songs played on a blog.

This is the first thing I have ever personally done on a blog so I am literally trying to make the site as interactive as possible while learning on the go. So I apologize for the little audio bars that do nothing but hopefully they will be playing for everyone other than just me sooner or later.

By the way, if you are offended by the picture above. Keep in mind that I am physically handicapped as well. So we have the right to make fun of each other, while you on the other hand do not. Much like how it is okay for two white males to call each other a cracker, yet it wouldn't be appropriate for any other ethnicity to make this comment. It would be found rude and appalling.

These Things are Great.........Right?

Save a bunch and they can use your purchases to persecute or chronicle you.

At some points, you must just want to throw your hands up in the air about what lambs we are. I have like six of these things on my key-chain. CVS, GNC, Shaw's, Stop & Shop, The Underware Depot. You name it, they've got one of these babies that can help you save in a minute. They offer it right when you get to the register, and it takes two seconds to complete the form and be on your way. We leave the store and drive away like we just beat Corporate America.

If you don't already know, these cards can hold more information about your life than what is readily available to the F.B.I., and don't think the Feds don't know about it. Every time you use one to save, a computerized database is updated on your specific purchases. They are used to calculate the best times to optimize on your purchases while you walk around like your some type of wheeler and dealer. God bless America. Again, you are as free as you want to think you are, but the truth is we are fed on. Each and everyone of us.

Last year, an investigation into a suspected terrorist cause the F.B.I. to use all databases collected on this individual and the stores readily handed over the information. Good, right? Except when that carries over to people who aren't suspected terrorists. All it takes is for things to go the wrong way for you somehow, and there are your testicles, right in whoever's hand that wants them. Not that anyone of us are planning to do anything. I just wanted to extrapolate on another aspect of a paradox we call freedom.

If you can, shop at Roche Bros.. They don't use reward cards. They just give you the deal.


"I'd like the deal, and keep my private life private. Thank you."

Classic Quote from "A"'s Family

"Come on in. Take off your skin, and rattle around in your bones."

said when you entered the door to "A"'s grandmother's house. God rest her soul, but what a visually interesting saying. Don't you think?

I laughed out loud when "A" said it the first time and it still somehow continues to be funny. I'm going to start saying that to people that come over and see how long it takes for me to get arrested.

Last Words on Linda