Cold Sheets

Uhg, for anyone who cares, the honesty and unfiltered nature of my being has caused me to be unable to post real events onto my deformed ear blog. A lot has occurred.

I now live on my own as "A" and I have called it a day. 1,460 days to be near exact. We grew tremendously together in ways, but things deteriorated as time went on and it was time to separate. "A" felt that I was impeding her from being who she wanted to be because she was always focused on me. So, I helped her move to Quincy and I'm still in my same residence scratching and clawing to make ends meet. I know, don't cry for me Agentina right?

Anyways, "A" took Jasmine which hurt at first but oddly enough we have a new mascot in the hallways of my apartment. A cat that I've named "fleas", and sometimes I call it "tits". It's done a good job of filling the void of having a cat full time.

I finished out my spring semester of college with wonderful grades, and I've been lucky enough to delve into intimacy quickly thereafter "A" and I's breakup. Don't think I move quickly, there is a reason the intimacy came so quickly. But, truth be told I should be getting used to being alone and figuring out how to fully live on my own. But, it's been a couple of months now and I've been holding down the fort rather well if I don't say so myself. Whatever, it's much more fun to have everything on your plate with a little chance of failure, then play it safe and miss all the fun.

It's been liberating living alone. The silence is so nice most of the time, but the truth of the matter is that "A" is the most wonderful person on Earth. A good soul, sweet charm, goofy girlie character that can make you smile wide. I could live with her as easily as I could live with family, which is usually an indicator that that's ahead in a couples future. It hurts to let go of someone who knows you so well, but the truth is I've done her a tremendous favor. I thought I could help her grow, but she is the only one who can allow herself to grow and become the person she wants to be. It became clearer and clearer as the small time we spent wore on. Plus, she doesn't have to live with me, which would help anyone's sanity in that predicament.

I'm happy, but it hurts to turn away from "A", and I find it unfair that I can be happy while she rebuilds and tries to find happiness. Funny, it's usually me always on the other end of the stick. But I always take solace in the fact that the other person got what they really wanted, and that they were happy. Unfortunately, in this position, there is only guilt. It's not fair that good people get hurt, at either end. But such is the bitter sweetness of life. I'm sure I'll get mine someday soon for being happy.

Cold Sheets

The rain comes, and washes away the sorry lives of us all.

To make a clean slate for the sun to dry.

This is where we can sweat, and breath, and meet.

Finding a way to find ourselves.

But the rain hasn't stopped.

The streets, now torrents of white water.

Showing us what we try so desperately to hide.

Black clouds roll overhead, miles wide.

Amazing how lonely we feel without the sun.

How trivial the window blinds now seem.

The hapless sun is sure to come, skin waiting between cold sheets.

Hoping soon, we'll be warm again. To sweat, and breath, and meet.

ps - None of the music works except this song. I had to cut back on internet expenses. But, I'll get some free server space soon.